dance show time

For the past four months I have been dreading this dance show. I hated getting up at 7.30 (sometimes 6.30) to get to class/rehearsal twice a week. A number of times I felt like I am not a dancer anymore and it is something better left in my past. But I still went every time and I did every assignment.

The show was my final for my Dance Composition class. A class designed to teach specific techniques for choreography. Our final assignment was to choreograph a dance and teach it to other people to perform in the show. Or you could do a solo or you could opt out and write a 15 page research paper on the choreographer of your choice. The day we picked dancers to be in our dances I missed class.  I had received the news of Shevaun's death the day before and I was also in the middle of a lot of other things and not in the right state of mind to go to class that Thursday. The next Tuesday I walked into class and everyone was working in small groups and I realized I was totally screwed. There is also a rule that no one can be in more than 3 pieces including their own. Luana (the class' instructor) called role and when she came to me she asked if I had my dancers. I replied 'no' she replied... you have 5 minutes to figure it out and asked everyone who was not already in 3 pieces to raise their hands. I looked at the 4 people who had their hands in the air and sighed to myself.. because honestly these 4 people were the last 4 people for a reason. class began and I went to talk to Luana. I explained to her that I wasn't in class the other day because I had just received the news of a friend passing, and I began to cry. The first time I cried over Shevaun's death. I do this when people die... it doesn't become real until I have to say it out loud. So, through my tears and sobs I also explained to Luana that I also manage a retail store and around the time of the show will be the beginning of the holiday rush, and that I don't have the time to meet with people for rehearsals, and that I would prefer to write the research paper. She calmed me down and told me, in such a dance instructor's way, to use my grief to choreograph a solo. Out loud I said 'okay', on the inside I began to freak out even more. A solo?! I have not performed a solo in 6 years... I have not been in a show in 5. How the hell was I supposed to do this?

For the next four weeks the class worked on their dances. They were "due" Nov 25. I spent every class working in the duet I was asked to be in ... and the embarrassing story-telling/theatrical dance I was asked to be in. I spent no time choreographing my solo because every time I started I would get stuck and frustrated. I felt so much pressure. Then on November 24... Cambo was in town... and he got me stoned after work. I went to my room and turned on the song I chose for my piece and all of a sudden the pressure was gone and I made it up in five minutes in the a tiny space in my bedroom. I took Luana's advice and used my grief. But I used my grief over a lot of people I have lost. For the eternal loss of Shevaun, of Chris, of Eric.... for the short term loss of Sarah.... for the heartbroken loss of Drew. etc. The theme... letting go.

Somehow I pulled it off and though it needed a bit of tweaking.. Luana loved my solo and even said she could tell it was "well rehearsed" ha! I'm a fucking natural. 

The class spent the next two week perfecting our dances and getting costumes together. Up until just a few hours before show time.

I never felt excitement until after we finished our final dress rehearsal yesterday morning. Though, once I got pumped I couldn't be stopped. I remembered... this is why I dance. The performance. 

Being backstage is almost as good as being on stage. Everyone is together, excited, getting their costumes on, putting there makeup on, playing nerve calming games. For months we were all just people who we took a dance class with. But on show night... we are family. We have all fallen and succeeded and grown in front of each other so many times .. and it was all for this one night. We were all so proud of each other and ourselves. And the seats filled up... they filled up so much that after the second dance we had to stop the show to reseat people.

It felt so good to know Alex, Arseniy, Eric, Sadie, Jenna and Dave were all in the audience just as pumped as I was. 

After the show I couldn't believe it was over. All that time spent worrying, stressing, rehearsing.. and it is done. Makes me want to keep doing this. Keep dancing. Keep performing. It is an amazing feeling. and I am still high from it.

After the show... Jenna and Dave returned to the Easy Bay. Shrader House went to In-and-Out in proper post-show fashion. 

It was perfect.